The Inescapable Fact that I am Semi-Retarded

I was passing along some of my less-than-stellar advice to my daughter today,in an attempt to,apparrantly,keep her swimming in misinformation.Her question concerned errors,the pitfalls of life we should avoid.She has such an active mind,always processing.She has no idle and she won't rest until there is a definitive and scientifically proven answer.'Because I said so' simply won't do.Her question was,"How do grown-ups make mistakes?Ya'll are 'sposed to know everything"."Everyone makes mistakes,my rosy cheeked child."I replied,"What you learn as you get older is to never make the same mistake twice".
I paused for what seemed like an eternity...........I had just told my daughter a whale of a lie.My life is a how-to manual on repeating acts of utter incompetence.I'm the idiot who uses both hands to see if the stove's hot.I revel in poor decisions,I am the patron saint of screwups,I am......semi-retarded.
Been that way all my life,but sadly,it's a gene that grows more aggressive with age.I am,I regret to say,a broken shell of a man.Stupidity has crept up my spine and nested somewhere near my brain stem.Today,I shit you not,I licked my fingers before twisting the strands on a live wire.It was an electric bed,could've just unplugged it.No..........that aint how I roll these days.I'm what they call "wait & watch dumb".
Not that it matters,but I blame women.Damned venomous hellspawn.Think about it,we were all fairly bright until the age of 12 or so.Oh not atom-splitting smart,but competent at least.Then..............THEY developed.I have charted my rise in stupidity and it starts when an unnamed classmate,we'll call her Katie Mae Quickngood,first developed breasts.It spiked in high school and has been on a steady rise since.Only our friends in the gay community are immune,and I'm sure they have issues of their own.
Anyway,to make a short story long,I distracted her with mexican food and told her I was a genius.Apparantly,we're put here to lie to our kids.....................she'll be okay,by the way,cuz she's a she.

Kiss 'Em Good,Love 'Em Much,
SSS